Couples who have crossed the 20-year mark are often considered as a power couple. Yet, despite their deep roots, some long-term marriages reach a crossroads and experience several challenges that eventually lead to divorce. According to a 2010 research by the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University, one in every four divorces occurred among people aged 50 and above.
While there’s no single reason couples choose to part ways after 20 years, several factors may prompt this heartbreaking decision. Nonetheless, understanding these potential catalysts can provide some insight and also help to navigate the complexities of long-term love with greater awareness and compassion.
1. Growing Apart
This is one of the most common reasons why couples divorce after being married for 2 decades. People change over time and grow apart as they develop different interests, goals, or values. Subsequently, they’ll develop cracks inside that push them in opposite directions. It is while trying to chase their new interest that they grow apart.
Some individuals may feel trapped or unfulfilled in their long-term relationship and seek to explore new possibilities. Growing apart can lead to feelings of loneliness, dissatisfaction, and a lack of emotional connection, which will later bring about divorce.
2. Lack of Intimacy
For any marriage to thrive, intimacy is a great factor. However, after 20 years, couples may experience a decline in physical and emotional intimacy. Intimacy might take a backseat to career demands, child-rearing, financial worries, and even health issues which can contribute to a diminished desire for intimacy.
In addition to this, sexual incompatibility can become more pronounced with couples that have been together for several decades. According to the Astroglide’s resident sexologist Jessica O’Reilly, Hormonal changes that arise with age can bring a decrease in sex drive.
Neglecting emotional and physical connection can create a void in a marriage which would lead to frustration, resentment, and even divorce.
3. Communication Breakdown
After 20 years of being married, it’s natural that couples may find it increasingly challenging to express their needs, desires, and concerns. They may also find it hard to spice up their marriage following other responsibilities.
Unresolved conflicts, pent-up resentment, and a lack of emotional connection can erode the foundation of a marriage, ultimately leading to divorce.
4. Financial Fault Lines
Even for the strongest of couples, imbalances in their finance can easily cause a crack. Job losses, unexpected debts, or divergent spending habits can gradually make couples get apart. Also, the pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle, especially after years of building it together, can push couples to a breaking point.
In some cases, couples may begin to blame each other for their financial woes which would take a toll on them and even lead to separation.
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5. Infidelity’s Shadow
Even though this is not prevalent in long-term marriages, infidelity can shatter trust. Infidelity regardless of its form, can leave deep scars which may never heal. Even if forgiveness is offered, the lingering pain and doubt can poison the well of intimacy and lead to anger and resentment.
For couples in this view, rebuilding trust can be an arduous process, and even with sincere efforts, they may never fully recover. Couples would have to leave in doubt and suspicion.
6. Falling out of Love
To see couples who were once in love suddenly grow apart leaves one with the question, Where did the love go after so many years? According to sources, many couples fall out of love after being together for a long time. They suddenly get used to each other and see no need to spice up their marriages.
Consequently, they drift apart slowly until they find reasons to end the marriage.
7. Unresolved Past Issues
Another factor for couples divorcing after 20 years can be linked to prolonged differences that have lingered for several years. While they may forgive each other, the passage of time doesn’t always guarantee that they have healed or resolved the problems.
Unresolved differences can breed resentment and eventually lead to a breakdown in trust and communication which would gradually leave the couples emotionally distant and disconnected.
8. Abuse
Abuse in any form can cause couples to fall apart regardless of how many years they may have spent together. In the case of abuse which often follows the pattern of tension, aggression, and reconciliation, couples may endure the abuse for years before either of them finally reach a point where they prioritize their well-being above the marriage and choose to leave.
In this case, it is the partner who has been subjected to the abuse that leaves. They suddenly realize that the marriage is only getting worse and they would have to leave to reclaim their self-worth and identity.
9. Old Fashioned Lifestyle
Here’s one cause of divorce that many marriage experts seem to ignore. From our findings, we gathered that couples who maintain a particular lifestyle for several years may suddenly get bored of each other especially when the other isn’t making efforts to change their old-fashioned mentality or even adapt to the new trend.
The traditional mentality of men as breadwinners and women as homemakers tends to lead to resentment and dissatisfaction if one partner begins to feel trapped in a rigid role. These gender roles may also create power imbalances in the modern world.
10. Search For Fulfilment
It’s not uncommon that what brought the couple together in their twenties might not resonate with them in their forties or fifties. This is because their dreams may likely evolve around this time and force them to search for fulfillment.
For instance, individuals who may have put their dreams on hold to support their partner’s goals or raise a family may begin to feel empty and unfulfilled. At this point, divorce may just be the only option to finding themselves and living their best lives.
