Gaslighting is a form of emotional and mental abuse in which people inflict pain on others to gain control. It takes different forms and may happen in both romantic and other types of relationships. At the end of the day, it leaves you feeling insecure and questioning your reality.
If you are still wondering how to know whether you are been gaslighted, then be keen about signs like blatant lies, losing your self-worth, and having the urge to apologize for things you did not do.
Some Signs of Gaslighting
1. Telling Lies
People engage in lying for many reasons but for the gaslighter, they tell malicious lies with the intention of confusing and making you question your reality.
Some reactions from Reddit show that gaslighters involve lying to make their victims question their reality and doubt themselves. However, not all liars are gaslighters. This is to show that gaslighting is premeditated.
2. Disorientation
Each time someone makes you feel disoriented due to their actions or words towards you, carefully watch, they may be manipulating you to their advantage.
They may be subtle in doing this and you only begin to realize this when you question your reality. On the other hand, you may not even know because they keep pushing you not to believe in yourself.
3. Self Doubt and Lack of confidence
One of the greatest signs of being gaslighted is self-doubt. This happens after the gaslighter successfully makes you accept that you are wrong, and feel your opinions are not valid while believing theirs is the best. Also, you doubt your talents and abilities.
Having lost confidence in yourself due to gaslighting gives them an advantage over you, and self-doubt creeps in.
Generally, this is damaging because it leaves you at their mercy. And in severe cases, self-doubt can lead to mental issues like depression, insecurity, loss of trust, anxiety, and emotional trauma.
4. Undermining your Emotions
This is one of the obvious signs of gaslighting. They accuse you of making things up even though you are sure that you are telling the truth. They go as far as accusing you of being too emotional or even being a hysterical person.
5. Putting You Down
Somebody who is gaslighting you is likely going to always put you down at every opportunity. For instance, when you can’t find something like your keys or even socks, they begin to accuse you of being disorganized.
6. Being Accused of Their Wrongs
A gaslighter will turn every situation against you including using what they do such as cheating. This will likely happen when you are in a romantic relationship with a cheater.
The cheater will accuse you of cheating as a means of self-defense while also shifting the blame. As it is, this is proven to be a manipulation tactic.
In the end, they maintain control over you and what happens in the relationship. From studies, they continue controlling you or ensuring you stay in the relationship.
7. Spreading Rumors for Others to Question Your Character
Gaslighters want to control by all means. If they feel you have a support system that will take your side, they will find ways of spreading rumors about you so others see you in a bad way. Soon you find people who used to believe you question your character.
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8. Deny Wrongdoing
Denial happens when a person refuses to accept responsibility for their actions.
Like other signs, denial is one of the great signs of gaslighting. They use it to continuously manipulate their victim. People who gaslight bully and abuse others by denying doing wrong.
They may outright deny or pretend to forget what they say, saw, or did. However, they may likely shift the blame to others to make sure, they are at an advantage.
9. Forcing You to be Quiet During an Argument
Often, a gaslighter would force you to keep quiet during an argument. The need to cut you off gives them the power to force their opinion on you while making your explanation unimportant.
Also, they make you feel guilty about explaining yourself after they may have forced their opinion on you.
If this continues, you may start withdrawing. When you find yourself in such a position, then you are being gaslighted.
10. Believing that You are Not Enough
Relationships are about give and take, however, this can be too much to bear if someone makes you feel like you are not doing enough. Considering that, they have shut you up, lied, denied you, hidden facts, and even spread rumors about you.
With all this in mind, it makes it easy for them to push you into believing you are not enough and you start blaming yourself for every fault.
Common Phrases Gaslighters Use
- You’re Being Dramatic
- It’s not my fault
- You are too dramatic
- You are overreacting
Quick Ways to Respond to Gaslighting
- Gathering proof of events, incidents, and purchases is a good way of proofing a fact and that you are not imagining things.
- Have a support system that could be close family members who will stick by you through the ups and downs.
- Have a safe place to go to incase you have to leave the relationship
- Join a support group to boost your confidence
- See a professional or counsellor
